I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
The power of my boobs compel you
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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