you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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