OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
