eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize