hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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