At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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