I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
