she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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