3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
