so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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