I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
