When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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