how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize