Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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