I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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