Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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