I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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