The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
