My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
