I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
