forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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