There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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