Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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