My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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