My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
