Kiss
Puke
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
