Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
