Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
