How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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