Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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