Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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