I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
