So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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