I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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