You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
