he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
