it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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