I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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