my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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