Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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