Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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