I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
