my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
