i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
