Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
