Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
