My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
