I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
