i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
