just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Everything about him screamed your future.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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