Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
