alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize