guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
