We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
