oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
