I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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