I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
