I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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