she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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