I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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