she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
