Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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