I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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