You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Randomize
