Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
