I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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