Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
