i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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