so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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