it hurts more in the daytime
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
