i love accidental penises.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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